Wednesday, September 11, 2013

Meankitty "Bad Libs" Review: Gate to Kandrith

GATE TO KANDRITH by Nicole Luiken is a fantasy story. I finished it in record time: about 30 seconds Talk about a speed reader! That's me. Fast as a speeding cat en route to the litter box. The plot wasn't always easy to follow, but I vaulted my way through. Vaulted like a speeding cat en route to the litter box and some furniture gets in the way.

The characters in this snobby book were named Sarathena, Lance, and Julen. The first protagonist was a very cloudy character with violet fur. Cloudy, huh? Is there a chance of meatballs? Her relationship with the second protagonist reminded me of the movie TOP GUN because of their euphoric feelings for each other and the way they snorted anytime they were faced with danger. Kind of like the Ice Man, right? The third character, on the other hand, was a real mongoose. Should that character have been subjected to gangrene, I would have been sloooooowly despairing. Despair, you see, isn't something that should be conducted rapidly. You can grieve rapidly, like when fat old D-boy gets to the kitty treats before you and eats them all, but for despair, it must be stretched out.

There was never a moment in this book where I felt like I had a broken leg. The burly plot was full of caressing surprises. And I do like caresses! Under the chin, between the shoulder blades, you name it. I rapidly continued to turn pages. The conflict was heavily resolved. When I reached the end, I wanted to think -- not sure about WHAT, but I wanted to think, and stare at a human with unblinking eyes to freak them out -- and drink ice-cold Coca-cola. Only a few licks but that would be enough. The writing style was worth mentioning, too, since it was lack-a-daisically cherry-flavored. I counted 147 typos to boot.

My summation: GATE TO KANDRITH receives a grade of 3 on a scale of 1 to 1.5. And if that doesn't sound possible, it's just because you haven't yet read this fantastic book. I wanted to give this book a rock-hard locket with a side of ebony Spaghetti Carbonara. HEY, MEATBALLS! Sort of.

Also, for the record I would like to merrily state that cats are the awesomest animals on earth and dogs are made of earwax.

Bad Libs Meankitty & the Typing Human  *  

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