Meankitty Wants to Know: Shannon Dauphin's Cat

Today we have a very special treat. So special I'm writing this part in special italic font! Chloe, the cat who owns Shannon Dauphin, a local Nashville author who's friends with Typing Slave, has answered all my questions today plus the user submitted ones and provided a lovely photo. I think Chloe needs a spot in the Meankitty Gallery, don't you? Enjoy!

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1) So, your human writes books. Does this mean he or she is home all day and easy to access? Elaborate if necessary.

First, let me say how much you have inspired me, Meankitty! I used to be the nice little feline who purred when I wanted something. No more! Being a holy terror works much better for getting things done around here.

As to your question, yes. My human is very easy to access and I do so on a regular basis. The other cats and I take turns annoying her. She might be able to pet me for a bit, but once she puts me down, can she really refuse to pet Tommy or Sonny or Tyke? Equal time is only fair. We can waste a whole afternoon this way.

2) How large a proportion of her income do you have her devote to your gourmet tuna, cat beds, toys and other basic necessities?

She can do what she wants with her income as long as certain conditions are met around here. I must have cans of Fancy Feast, the expensive ones with savory Garden Greens. I must have plenty of jingly balls to bat around the floor. I love eating the leaves off pineapples, so I require a fresh pineapple every time she goes to the grocery store. If she keeps me satisfied with these things, she can spend her money on other stuff.

3) What are your techniques for distracting your human during crucial writing moments, just because it's fun?

She has a desk with just enough space for me to park my furry butt beside the keyboard. She gets really annoyed when I punch keys and make the screen do funny things. I really like the CAPS LOCK KEY. SHE HATES ALL CAPS. But then I purr and all is well with the world.

If she truly wants to ignore me, I remedy that by knocking over her big can of pens and pencils. All over the desk - WHEEEEE! She cusses when I do it - you should hear the mouth on her. What fun!

4) What indignities and neglect have you suffered because of your human's writing career?

You won't believe this, but...you know how your human is supposed to be available to keep the bed all nice and warm so you can play all night, but when you want to cuddle, you can? Well! She stays up late sometimes, and the bed is cold. How can I sleep with a cold bed? When this happens, I get in the window and yowl at the neighbor's cats until she gets a headache and goes to sleep.

5) Tell me about the felines in your human's fiction. How often do they appear and how big a part do they play?

She puts cats in her books about humans, but honestly, she never represents us properly. The humans always seem to rule the story, and the kitties are just window-dressing! My other human, the one she is married to - HE is writing a series of books all about kitties! "Travels with Chloe" is the name of them. I'm so proud. *sniffle*

That woman, though - she needs to learn to write about cats. This is a warning.

6) On the off-chance your human has yet to incorporate cats into a story, what are your plans for making sure she rectifies this egregious error and demonstration of poor writing skills?

She has to learn to write about cats as they really are, as the masters and mistresses of their homes...and if she doesn't, well, I know how to erase an entire manuscript in three swipes of the keyboard. Again, this is a warning.

7) What works of fiction or cinema involving cats does your human enjoy sharing with you?

She doesn't! The last "animal" movie she went to see was Marley & Me, and she went on and on and on about that dog for days. It's a DOG, honey. It's not a cat! I got her attention back where it should be with lots of purring and cuddling and cute stuff, but seriously, there's something wrong with movies today. Who cares about Marley, honestly?

User submitted:

8) If you could make one change to your human, what would it be?

She needs a better sense of humor. When we run through the house and knock things over, it's supposed to be FUN! She gets that "dark face" thing she does and glares at us. She really needs to lighten up a bit more.

Question for pets: Are you happy with your human? If you could tell your human one thing, what would it be?

I guess I'm happy with my human. Now, if she would do all the things I previously mentioned, things would be much better around here. But for now, she's cool. And if I could tell her one thing, it would be: No more cats! I have enough trouble keeping this bunch in line, thank you very much.

What things does your human do that would mortify it if known? What does your human do that most annoys?

Oh, I have a whole list! She snores. Not loud, but she does. Sometimes she closes all the curtains and dances to songs on the radio. She talks back to the television, too. Why does she do that? There aren't really people in that thing. But it took me a while to figure that out, too, so I guess I will give her a pass.

Did your human name a character for you? Are you pleased? If not, why?

She has not yet named a character for me, but she will. Because I'm such a character! Get it? Get it? Huh?

And did your human name you for a fictional character? Hate it or love it?

My human named me Chloe because...well, I don't know. I'm have royal Siamese blood, so I have black ears, and she started out calling me Chloe the Koala. Which made no sense, but whatever. Then it was Chlo-Worm, because I'm long and lean and cuddly like that Glo-Worm thing she had when she was a kid. Now it has somehow evolved into Chlo-BUG.

Sometimes the woman concerns me.

How do you give your writer new ideas?

I scratch my new ideas into the wallpaper in the front hallway. She can't read catscratch, so she hasn't picked up on them yet. How does a cat teach a human to read? Inquiring minds need to know before she replaces the wallpaper!

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Sincerely,
Meankitty
http://www.meankitty.com/ * http://www.jodywallace.com/