I have the answers to some questions I know have been burning holes in many of your brains, and I decided not to be selfish and share my knowledge.
To wit:
1) If you let the toddler sit in your lap while you're trying to work at the computer, yes, you should take the chocolate milk away from said toddler first, even if it produces a great deal of grief. Your grief when the chocolate milk ends up decorating your keyboard and screen, mixed with saliva, of course, will be much greater.
2) The foam chair you put on top of the cheap hanging rack upstairs to keep the cats off the top of the hanging rack will not work for very long. Think of something else or you will not like what happens.
3) If anyone in your family comes down with a contagion within three weeks of an event, appointment or vacation you're especially looking forward to, go ahead and cancel it. That's right about when you're going to come down with it yourself. If the occasion is something you are not looking forward to, this rule does not apply.
4) The baby will not eat the fish. No matter how much cheese and butter you put on it.
5) The baby will not eat the carrots. No matter how much cheese and butter you put on them.
6) If you have children/family/a day job/a night job/a life/a television set/a heartbeat, no, you won't be able to finish that piece of writing you just queried agents/editors about in time to fulfill the requests for a full before they forget you exist. However, if you finish it before querying, you significantly decrease your chances of getting a request for a full. Tough call.
7) I know you think the children or animals are soundly asleep and will stay that way, but if you make that important phone call without having another person in the house to distract them, they will wake up and they will make a great deal of noise. If you are on a telephone with a cord, the noise will involve some sort of accident you won't be able to reach.
8) Yes, it's true. At least one of the reviews you're going to get for your latest book is going to suck the bag.
9) The days you scheduled to write the entire time will also involve at least one of the following: medical / family / veterinary emergencies, faulty electric wiring, extremely gorgeous weather, computer issues, chocolate shortages, strange lumps inside your favorite bedroom slippers that distract you because they keep annoying your toes, a coveted movie or television show's release or debut, odd gurglings in your stomach and bowel area, nap attacks, writer's block, a crick in your neck, back or arms, a threat of tornadoes or other bad weather (the day before/after the gorgeous weather), unusually loud noises inside or outside your house that bear investigation, funky smells that bear investigation, overly friendly animals, and nightmares that put you in a horrible mood the entire next day.
10) Don't buy all three colors. I'm just sayin'.
Sincerely,
JW
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6 comments:
Suck the bag!! I LOVE it! And hey, *I* won't eat the carrots no matter how much butter and cheese you put on them either. But Adso will! Thanks for the laugh today! Most needed!
Kar'rin
Potential thick headedness: All three colors of what?
I can relate to pretty much every one of these. I'm the only one in my family who'll eat cooked carrots, so we rarely have them anyway.
Thanks for my laugh of the day! :)
ROFLMAO! You have a lot of material for a book in this post. A series of books!
#6 scares me. Since I'm about to finish mine and start querying, I hope you're wrong.
All three colors of anything, pretty much.
I can think of an exception to the three colors rule. If I find a particular variety of pants I really like, I will go back and buy one of each color, 'cause I don't have to try them on! Woohoo!
I may even buy more in the SAME color, because it's a fundamental law of the universe that the company will stop making the one thing I most want to buy.
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