Monday, December 31, 2007
Counting the Catku
>>These are all so great! You need to make a MK pop-up book of catkus
>>3: reminded me of my cat. Great job to everyone!
>>These are all wonderful!
>>On the day of the 2nd visit, I went myself and showed the vet my bleeding hands and arms, and said I think Oscar is cured.
>>you look at me i look at you and boing right in your chest
>>gosh, so many of these are so funny! I love them!
>>Poooooooooopoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
>>here kitty kitty what do you want?feed time! wopeeee don't touch me while i'm eating!hch! ow!!!! disurves you right!
>>Very hard to choose a favorite. Thanks, these were great
Have a great New Year's Eve! We're working on a post about what resolutions cats (and maybe writers) should NOT make this year.
Sincerely,
MK & Typing Slave
Sunday, December 30, 2007
Voting, She is Closed
In other news, I am weaning Loud Thing of her pacifiers by chewing holes in all of them whenever I find them. And I am very, very good at finding them. Hide them behind the headboard? I fit back there, too, for I am slight and delicate. Leave them in the bed? I can worm under the sheets, for I am flexible and clever. Stuff them in the cracks between the couch cushions? Okay, those I ignore because even *I* am scared of what's under the couch cushions. I wait until the baby gets them out and throws them on the ground, whereupon I pounce and chew.
I have also taught Loud Thing to attempt to climb the Christmas tree and, failing that, to cram herself behind it and screech.
The humans can thank me later; right now I have some latex to gnaw.
Sincerely,
MK
Don't Forget The Catkus!
I'm forcing this post to stay at the top of the blog so you won't forget to vote!
ETA: Voting ends in just a day or so! Vote by December 30th at an unspecified time, ie whenever Typing Slave gets around to updating the blog and website.
MK
Saturday, December 29, 2007
What You Didn't Get During the Holidays...Yet
1) ALL I NEED TO KNOW I LEARNED FROM MY CAT (AND THEN SOME) -- My human got this book years ago, as it was originally published in 1992. In 2007 it has been updated and improved, so if you decide to take my advice and get this book, make sure you're getting the newest one.The book is written from the viewpoint of Binky the Cat, with little sketchy illustrations by the human, Suzy Becker, that are much more skilled than anything *my* human can do. First you'll see a quiz for humans so they can find out whether or not they're cat people (they'd BETTER be, if they know what's good for 'em), and then you get the original words of feline advice from the Bink, such as, "Get someone else to clean your bathroom" and "Have a sneeze that is the envy of others." And then, best of all, you'll get a passel of new and improved advice, such as, "People watching is a legitimate pastime." (How true that is! Just ask Nanny Slave what happened on her most recent date.)
While some of the pieces of advice might not seem impressive as text, the illustrations make the book. So this is at the top of our recommended list. Read it over your human's shoulder and hope that the advice sinks in!
http://www.catster.com/cats/559287
http://www.catchannel.com/blog/viewbio.aspx?apid=28654
3) Bird TV. Even in the city, your human can install a window-based bird feeder for your amusement. There are a bunch at Amazon.com and other places that suction cup right to the glass. While Big D and myself have destroyed many a suction-cupped item (glass prisms, dragonflies, etc) it might work since it's on the outside of the glass instead of inside. There are also bird feeders that are built out from window sills. The Party Cats have a so-elegant feeder that's essentially a big plank on a stick that is balanced between the stick and the sill. Sometimes it has birds, sometimes cats, sometimes skinks, sometimes possums and racoons. Of course, the Party Cats also live in a barn in the country, and by "barn" we don't mean a place for livestock, we mean a human house that used to be a dairy barn.
4) Crinkle balls. Since stuffed mice are kind of passe, and plus they were hard to cram into the magnet-mailing packets, we also sent out a number of crinkle balls to our fans, and apparently they are a huge hit! I'm pretty pissed about this because I'm not allowed to play with small toys until Loud Thing is older. Something stupid about her putting things in her mouth and choking on them. Can't she just kak them up like hairballs? Puh-lease! But these are definitely a must-have item if you've got a gift card burning a hole in your human's pocket.5) Metal garbage that are tall and narrow beside all the beds. Humans spend a lot of time in bed, as all creatures should, and so they often have garbage cans beside their beds to hold used tissues or pacifiers with cat-tooth-shaped holes in them or weird pieces of clay found in the sheets or ripped up magazines and other things they consider "trash". Anyway, since they want trash containers there anyway, why not make them metal and easy to tip over, to better entertain their feline masters? The delights of scratching a metal trash can beside sleeping humans with one paw must be experienced to be believed. There are few greater pleasures in life. I don't think it's very obedient or kind of your humans, if they continue to deny you this luxury.
What are your top 5 gifts the humans should get you with all those gift cards?
Sincerely,
MK
Saturday, December 22, 2007
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
Tidbits about Secrets 22
Another tidbit about Secrets 22 is that I participated in an interview at Fierce Romance about my contribution, "Heat": http://fierceromance.blogspot.com/2007/12/ellie-marvel-talks-about-heat-in.html. We're asking folks what breaths of fresh air they would like to see in their romance reading. Go state your wishlist for future books in the romance genre!
A third tidbit is that I'll be in a video chat at Enchanting Reviews on December 21, 2008. By "video chat" I mean a chat that also touches on videos we created for our Secrets novels, not a video of ME, because nobody would want to see that. Especially not me.
Here is book teaser or trailer or video in question. I made it myself! (Note -- cat safe, because cats don't care, but contains photos of adult humans in suggestive poses.)
A fourth tidbit is that I'm giving away a copy of Secrets 17 via The Romance Studio today in their Book-A-Day giveaway, which I probably should have told you in advance, but remember what I said about my crack sales skillz? They have cracked off, sort of like a glacier, and melted in the hot sea of holiday stress around me.
The last tidbit -- can you tell I saved it all for one monster blog post without way too few cat pics? -- is .... jeez, what was it .... Oh, yeah, it's not Secrets related. In my human guise as Jody Wallace, I'm participating in a big bashy live chat tonight at The Romance Studio with many other Samhain Authors, and it's possible I'll even get a word in edgewise! It's from 7-10 CST, or at least that's what I have written down.
Sincerely,
JW (in this case, writing as Ellie Marvel)
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
A Meankitty Holiday Fable
Up went the Christmas tree,
Up went the lights,
Up went the star,
Up went the candy canes,
Up went the ornaments,
Up went the cat...
Down came the tree.
The moral of this story is that a cat in the tree is worth two on the couch, insofar as being destructive is concerned.
We'll upload an illustration when lazy ole Typing Slave can brave the upstairs and the scanner!
Sincerely,
MK
Monday, December 17, 2007
This Is Not A Cat Picture
Thursday, December 13, 2007
The Magnet Mailing
Time for a timeline! Really, when I do them, it's more a whineline. I should copyright that. Anyway, today Loud Thing went down for a nap without too much struggle. I turned off "Man Vs. Wild" and dashed to my computer so I could use my approximate two hour window most effectively. Here's what happened instead:
1:00: Loud Thing konks. Turn off TV and repair to computer.
1:20: Working, working, working, sans Klingon. So happeeee! Answer emails, collect votes on my Catku project, format mailing labels for my magnet mailing to the Meankitty fans who are getting free loot.
1:21: Phone rings. It is the school making sure Pink Thing is supposed to ride the bus today. There is a substitute teacher in her class who does not know the children's schedule.
1:23: Loud Thing stirs. Sit on couch, pat Loud Thing until stirring ceases.
1:29: Send mailing labels to upstairs printer. Must to do all printing when Loud Thing is asleep or otherwise supervised, as she is a total PITA in the upstairs bonus room where lurks my real desk and computer, all my office stuff, a billion comic book boxes, several racks of vintage clothes, a sewing machine, a play stove and dishes, two filing cabinets, hundreds of books, etc. In other words, it's not really safe for toddlers. (For those who are uninitiated, "PITA" is a nice way of saying Pain In The Awesome. Yeah, that's it.)
1:30: Run up the stairs. Printer is not printing. Run downstairs to laptop.
1:32: Reboot laptop. Send print job again. Run upstairs.
1:34: Printer still not printing. Reboot upstairs computer.
1:36: Run downstairs. Send print job again. Run upstairs.
1:38: Printer still not printing. Do the "cursing mad dance." Shake printer and hear something clatter to the floor behind the giant desk. Realize printer is not hooked up to network. In a daring bit of bravado, balance above stairwell while hanging onto the bannister (it's the only way to reach the back of the giant desk) and plug printer back in.
1:42: Printer prints out 3 copies of my mailing labels. On plain paper, because I have not yet loaded the label paper.
1:45: Run back downstairs. In a fit of cleverness, save mailing labels through the network onto the upstairs computer. Run back upstairs.
1:48: Access mailing labels upstairs. Send to printer. Hear a thump downstairs.
1:50: Run back down the stairs; baby still sleeping. Big D is looking suspicious in the kitchen. Shoo him off counter.
1:52: Run back upstairs. Have forgotten to load mailing label paper into printer again. Discard print job on plain paper, load mailing label paper, send print job for 5th time.
1:55: Have labels! Yays!
1:56: While upstairs, compose very short letter that will go in loot envelope.
2:01: Hear thump downstairs. Run down the stairs. Baby is still asleep. Big D is looking suspicious in the dining room. Shoo him off table.
2:01: Run back up the stairs. Finish letter, send to printer. It's freakin' hot up here. Remove shirt, mop sweat.
2:08: Realize first several copies of letter were on label paper. Re-send copies of letter.
2:15: Print job is complete -- labels and letters alike. Yay! Run back down the stairs. Begin putting labels on the many envelopes that must be mailed and stuffing them with folded letters.
2:25: Thirsty. Take a break from stuffing. Look for the loot that is supposed to go into the packets. Find catnip mice but realize I only have half of the magnets I ordered; the other half apparently never arrived.
2:30: Tear up house looking for missing magnets.
2:40: Fail utterly. Call place where I ordered magnets. Get person on other end who is as loud as a whisper and whose English is heavily accented.
2:42: Loud Thing, woken by the many times I have said, "HUH?" and "CAN YOU REPEAT THAT?" in the space of 2 minutes, wakes up and starts crying.
2:43: Say, "Huh?" Cannot hear over the crying.
2:44: Pick Loud Thing up; give her the baby jounce. Now the screaming is closer. Say, "Can you repeat that?" to customer service rep.
2:46: Cannot sedate child with pacifier, bottle or begging. Stuff Loud Thing in playpen in bedroom. Shut door. Loud Thing is so loud this only helps a little.
2:47: Say, "Can you repeat that?" 80 more times over the next 13 minutes, except when I'm on hold, which is a lot of the time.
3:00: Get off the phone, having secured their promise to re-mail missing magnets. Loud Thing has cried so much she has kipped snot all over herself. Feel kind of bad. Change her clothes and diaper and comfort her sweetly.
3:06: Return to interrupted stuffage project. Sit in chair. Loud Thing stands beside me, wails and headbonks my leg.
3:08: Attempt to stuff envelopes while holding baby. Do not succeed.
3:10: Fill cup with Dora cereal and give it to Loud Thing. Return to stuffage project.
3:15: Have finished letters and begin inserting magnets. Some of the magnets are slightly too big for the envelopes.
3:16: Do another version of the cursing mad dance. Loud Thing likes dancing and joins me, spraying Dora cereal all over our dance floor with abandon.
3:18: Pick up Dora cereal. This is harder than it sounds because the slightly moist stars stick to the floor and my hands like mailing labels. While I'm picking up cereal, Loud Thing grabs a stack of envelopes and runs off.
3:19: Chase baby around house. So, some of the free loot envelopes are just going to have baby goo on them. They'll dry.
3:23: Return to stuffing project. To postpone the issue of the overlarge magnets, tear open the bag of catnip mice and make sure THEY will fit in the envelopes. They will.
3:26: Retrieve scissors from junk drawer and attempt to cut a centimeter off the top of the large magnet.
3:27: It looks like crap. Grabbing toddler under my arm, run up the stairs to find the paper cutter. Will it cut magnets? One can only hope.
3:29: Luckily the paper cutter was out in the open. Return to downstairs, holding screaming, struggling toddler securely to my chest. Told you she was a PITA up there.
3:39: While standing at the kitchen counter so my supplies are out of reach, trim overlarge magnets. The entire time, Loud Thing clings to my legs and beats me with her skull, her preferred form of protest.
3:40: Return to kitchen table to stuff magnets. Big D is on the table rolling around in a fit of catnip-induced exstasy while Meankitty perches on the corner and yowls. (Meankitty's note: That big terd was hogging the good stuff!) There are catnip mice and crinkle balls all over the table and the dining room floor. Also, envelopes.
3:42: With Loud Thing's "help", gather envelopes, mice and crinkle balls. Most of the mice are somewhat moist. At least they aren't torn open. Fight with Loud Thing over the possession of one particularly moist mouse.
3:45: Big D and Meankitty are still under the influence and get into a huge, snarling, drugged-up fight on the table. Loud Thing shrieks and climbs into my chair in an attempt to join them. I mean, what a party!
3:46: Big D and Meankitty race around the house like drunken hyenas. Loud Thing chases them. Take advantage of her absence to stuff moist mice into the envelopes of the really really extra lucky Meankitty fans.
4:05: Realize I can't stuff the overlarge but carefully cropped magnets into the envelopes with the mice already in there.
When daughter #1 arrives home on the bus some 5 minutes later, Loud Thing and I are STILL doing the cursing mad dance, Meankitty and Big D are still running amuck, and there is still sticky Dora cereal all over the living room carpet.
So what makes YOU do the cursing mad dance?
JW
PS: I plan to mail the magnet packets this week, if you're keeping track! I wonder what kind of whineline that trip will create?
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
Cat Fight, Haiku Style!
Be sure to vote and tell everyone else to vote, too. There will be two winners -- the fan favorite and the Meankitty favorite. If we don't get enough votes, we reserve the right to mock and nag you incessantly.
Sincerely,
MK
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
Sneaky Plans and Catty Tricks
I have incluced two new clever tricks in my torment of Nanny Slave the past week. You all know how I patented the "one paw" maneuver some time ago. Quite the triumph, plus I'm getting some tidy tuna royalties on it since its official inclusion in the SOHC handbook. And whenever I get locked out of a room, I like to use the one paw to get back into it. (Two paws just seem so desperate and are better served for attempting to claw your way through glass to frighten off a stray on the porch.)Sunday, December 09, 2007
SUM3 Book Review
http://www.paranormalromance.org/reviews/review.php?id=26677
The summary of Karen's opinion is: "Sum3 is a wonderful collection of stories: Contemporary, mythical, fantasy, science fiction, urban fantasy, historical and erotic—whatever your passion may be you'll enter another world where love awaits."
If you're interested in reading this nifty little anthology, I made a website for it with the help of the authors here: www.zirconanthology.com.
To purchase the anthology as a trade paperback: Amazon: Sum3: The 2006 Zircon Anthology of Speculative Romance
If you prefer to save trees and get an e-book: Fictionwise: http://www.fictionwise.com/eBooks/eBook43592.htm?cached
So...yay!
JW
Saturday, December 08, 2007
Submission Period Over!
In the meantime, you may admire my awesomeness:

In this photo, Typing Slave caught me enhancing my manual dexterity with Loud Thing's bead maze en route to mastering the door knobs. I stared her down until she ceased to believe she had truly seen what she'd seen. Being a level 3 catmotist has its advantages (but I'd still rather be a level 5).
Sincerely,
MK
Thursday, December 06, 2007
A Meankitty Thursday Thirteen--Christmas Style

13 Things I Want for Christmas
They don't have to be for Christmas. They could be for Hannukuh, my birthday (which we think is in March), Solstice, because I'm pretty, because the humans feel guilty for something, or whatever. I just want them!
1) A custom-made downstairs cat tree with a place I can hide from Big D. There's one upstairs and I think there should be a bigger one downstairs. Who cares that Loud Thing has a tendency to climb it whenever the grown ups turn around? Typing Slave just needs to watch her better. Lazy human.
2) A new kind of dry food. We have to eat this tasteless diet stuff 'cuz of the bigness of Big D. It's not cuz of me, no way, and neither one of us commits hellacious cat pan atrocities when we get our jaws on any other kind of dry food. That is just in the humans' imagination.
3) Auto tuna dispenser. I hardly get tuna any more! The humans give us a "tasty" of wet food at night, after they had THEIR dinner--of course they think of their own stomachs first. I want tuna when I want tuna, not when it rolls around on the weekly "tasty" menu.
4) Scratching priveledges on the furniture. Oh, heck, I have that -- just have to wait for the humans to leave the house or fall asleep. But a new leather chair of some sort might be nice.
5) A stick-up by the catpan. It's not for me, it's for Big D. Whooooooooowie!
6) Handle doorknobs on all the doors so I can open them myself. I'm having a lot of trouble mastering the small, round ones, especially the ones with childproof knob covers.
7) Fluffy, pale colored, shaggy, expensive rugs in the living room and dining room. These brown rugs the slaves have just don't show barf well enough. And they're not as fun to scratch or loll about on.
8) A set of giant crinkle balls. By set, I mean hundreds of them, which we can use to fill Loud Thing's ball tent.
9) My tinkling bell! I never thought I'd miss my tinkling collar bell, but that was before I learned how much it annoyed Nanny Slave. Nanny Slave took it off to "preserve her sanity" and I want it back.
10) A cage full of finches with a cat-friendly door latch. It's a bird party!
11) A stronger power of hypnosis to control human brains. I am only at level 3, and I seem to have topped out. I'd like to be Level 5, please.
12) A spray bottle that works with unopposable paws. I am v. sick and v. tired of Nanny Slave squirting me in the face in the middle of the night when I am in the middle of a mad fun cat party on her bed. I would like to spray her back.
13) To never see the Bee Movie commercial again. Please take it off the air. When Loud Thing watches her programs in the morning, that commercial shows up way too frequently. There really should be a movie called The Cat Movie the Hollywood types are promoting to cats, not one about bugs.
PS: If there was a Cat Movie and the cats were transformed into humans, who would play me? Who is the most gorgeous and smart and clever actress available? Big D would obviously be played by Bernie Mac.
Sincerely,
MK
View More Thursday Thirteen Participants
Wednesday, December 05, 2007
The Last Catku

Of course she hasn't read any of the incoming entries, the better to keep her palate fresh for judging. We'll accept entries via email until Friday night when we go to bed, so anything that's here before we go to bed we'll take and anything lurking Saturday morning we...well, we might take it anyway, if we're feeling generous!
For more details about how to enter, visit the party page: www.meankitty.com/party.htm Feel free to post titles for this catku in the comments but no haikus themselves. Don't waste 'em -- send 'em in!
Sincerely,
MK
Tuesday, December 04, 2007
Next to Last Catku -- Breathe a Tuna-scented Sigh of Relief!
Here's the next to last catku for you:

I don't know how many of my blog readers have sent in haikus, but if you haven't, you should. You might get fame, fortune and a T-shirt out of the deal. Fur reals! Find out more at the party page: http://www.meankitty.com/party.htm.
Remember -- we'd love to see your title suggestions for this poem/cat combo, but don't post your haikus in the comments. Send them to me instead! They'll all get their day in the sun, never you fear.
Sincerely,
MK
PS Tomorrow is the last catku and the catku submission period will end on Friday the 7th of December.
Monday, December 03, 2007
This Is Not A Catku
The 7th Day and We Do Not Rest

Remember -- post a poem title in the comments but not your catku entry. Send that to us so you can maybe win one of the T-shirts! Details at le party page: www.meankitty.com/party.htm
Meowza!
MK
Sunday, December 02, 2007
Not much longer now....Catku Day 6!

Detailed info about how to send in YOUR catkus at www.meankitty.com/party.htm You're welcome to post a title for this poem in the comments, but don't burn your haiku there! Send it in instead!
Sincerely,
MK
Saturday, December 01, 2007
On the 5th Day of Catku....
Yesterday was a cat in a tree!
Day 5 of Catku! Click on the pic for the larger version.

Does that cat look tee'd off or what?
You can visit the site for the full haiku rules, and come back here every day to see more! We'll post all 11 catkus at the Party page once they've aired here.
If you'd like, you can suggest titles for the poem in the comments, but don't post your haikus unless you're compelled to share. Sharing is fine, but it doesn't count as an entry to be considered for the T-shirts. Just so you know.
Sincerely,
MK








