What You Didn't Get During the Holidays...Yet

Humans, as we all know, are lazy creatures. So lazy that they've started giving one another money and gift cards for the holidays instead of shopping -- something about giving one another something that's actually useful? I don't know, dude, but what it means is that your human is going to have gift cards that need to be cha-chinged in the next couple of months. Here are the best ways we could think of off-hand on how humans should share the gift-card wealth with the cats who own them:

1) ALL I NEED TO KNOW I LEARNED FROM MY CAT (AND THEN SOME) -- My human got this book years ago, as it was originally published in 1992. In 2007 it has been updated and improved, so if you decide to take my advice and get this book, make sure you're getting the newest one.

The book is written from the viewpoint of Binky the Cat, with little sketchy illustrations by the human, Suzy Becker, that are much more skilled than anything *my* human can do. First you'll see a quiz for humans so they can find out whether or not they're cat people (they'd BETTER be, if they know what's good for 'em), and then you get the original words of feline advice from the Bink, such as, "Get someone else to clean your bathroom" and "Have a sneeze that is the envy of others." And then, best of all, you'll get a passel of new and improved advice, such as, "People watching is a legitimate pastime." (How true that is! Just ask Nanny Slave what happened on her most recent date.)

While some of the pieces of advice might not seem impressive as text, the illustrations make the book. So this is at the top of our recommended list. Read it over your human's shoulder and hope that the advice sinks in!

FMI about the book: http://www.workman.com/products/9780761147664/
http://www.catster.com/cats/559287
http://www.catchannel.com/blog/viewbio.aspx?apid=28654

2) Tuna. Straight up, unadulterated, spring water tuna. Mmmmmmmm. You can rarely go wrong with tuna, especially not if you eat it and then "thank" your human by breathing your fishy tuna breath into her face when she is supine, trying to take a post-holiday nap.

3) Bird TV. Even in the city, your human can install a window-based bird feeder for your amusement. There are a bunch at Amazon.com and other places that suction cup right to the glass. While Big D and myself have destroyed many a suction-cupped item (glass prisms, dragonflies, etc) it might work since it's on the outside of the glass instead of inside. There are also bird feeders that are built out from window sills. The Party Cats have a so-elegant feeder that's essentially a big plank on a stick that is balanced between the stick and the sill. Sometimes it has birds, sometimes cats, sometimes skinks, sometimes possums and racoons. Of course, the Party Cats also live in a barn in the country, and by "barn" we don't mean a place for livestock, we mean a human house that used to be a dairy barn.

4) Crinkle balls. Since stuffed mice are kind of passe, and plus they were hard to cram into the magnet-mailing packets, we also sent out a number of crinkle balls to our fans, and apparently they are a huge hit! I'm pretty pissed about this because I'm not allowed to play with small toys until Loud Thing is older. Something stupid about her putting things in her mouth and choking on them. Can't she just kak them up like hairballs? Puh-lease! But these are definitely a must-have item if you've got a gift card burning a hole in your human's pocket.

5) Metal garbage that are tall and narrow beside all the beds. Humans spend a lot of time in bed, as all creatures should, and so they often have garbage cans beside their beds to hold used tissues or pacifiers with cat-tooth-shaped holes in them or weird pieces of clay found in the sheets or ripped up magazines and other things they consider "trash". Anyway, since they want trash containers there anyway, why not make them metal and easy to tip over, to better entertain their feline masters? The delights of scratching a metal trash can beside sleeping humans with one paw must be experienced to be believed. There are few greater pleasures in life. I don't think it's very obedient or kind of your humans, if they continue to deny you this luxury.

What are your top 5 gifts the humans should get you with all those gift cards?

Sincerely,
MK