A Meankitty Thursday Thirteen--Christmas Style

13 Things I Want for Christmas

They don't have to be for Christmas. They could be for Hannukuh, my birthday (which we think is in March), Solstice, because I'm pretty, because the humans feel guilty for something, or whatever. I just want them!

1) A custom-made downstairs cat tree with a place I can hide from Big D. There's one upstairs and I think there should be a bigger one downstairs. Who cares that Loud Thing has a tendency to climb it whenever the grown ups turn around? Typing Slave just needs to watch her better. Lazy human.

2) A new kind of dry food. We have to eat this tasteless diet stuff 'cuz of the bigness of Big D. It's not cuz of me, no way, and neither one of us commits hellacious cat pan atrocities when we get our jaws on any other kind of dry food. That is just in the humans' imagination.

3) Auto tuna dispenser. I hardly get tuna any more! The humans give us a "tasty" of wet food at night, after they had THEIR dinner--of course they think of their own stomachs first. I want tuna when I want tuna, not when it rolls around on the weekly "tasty" menu.

4) Scratching priveledges on the furniture. Oh, heck, I have that -- just have to wait for the humans to leave the house or fall asleep. But a new leather chair of some sort might be nice.

5) A stick-up by the catpan. It's not for me, it's for Big D. Whooooooooowie!

6) Handle doorknobs on all the doors so I can open them myself. I'm having a lot of trouble mastering the small, round ones, especially the ones with childproof knob covers.

7) Fluffy, pale colored, shaggy, expensive rugs in the living room and dining room. These brown rugs the slaves have just don't show barf well enough. And they're not as fun to scratch or loll about on.

8) A set of giant crinkle balls. By set, I mean hundreds of them, which we can use to fill Loud Thing's ball tent.

9) My tinkling bell! I never thought I'd miss my tinkling collar bell, but that was before I learned how much it annoyed Nanny Slave. Nanny Slave took it off to "preserve her sanity" and I want it back.

10) A cage full of finches with a cat-friendly door latch. It's a bird party!

11) A stronger power of hypnosis to control human brains. I am only at level 3, and I seem to have topped out. I'd like to be Level 5, please.

12) A spray bottle that works with unopposable paws. I am v. sick and v. tired of Nanny Slave squirting me in the face in the middle of the night when I am in the middle of a mad fun cat party on her bed. I would like to spray her back.

13) To never see the Bee Movie commercial again. Please take it off the air. When Loud Thing watches her programs in the morning, that commercial shows up way too frequently. There really should be a movie called The Cat Movie the Hollywood types are promoting to cats, not one about bugs.

PS: If there was a Cat Movie and the cats were transformed into humans, who would play me? Who is the most gorgeous and smart and clever actress available? Big D would obviously be played by Bernie Mac.

Sincerely,
MK

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy and fun! Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted! To get the TT code: http://thursdaythirteen.com/

View More Thursday Thirteen Participants