No Use Crying Over....

When I got around to making myself breakfast yesterday, 20 lb baby on my hip, I grabbed the milk jug out of the fridge and gave it a good shake. Force of habit. This time, "Someone" had left the lid only 1/4 of the way screwed on, so milk geysered out of the jug, all over the kitchen. Loud Thing and I were startled, to say the least. Luckily, she is too young to pick up on the nasty word I uttered. Unluckily, Pink Thing is not.

PT: (hears excitement, comes running) "Mommy, why did you say %$@%&?"

Me: "Because the milk spilled. I shouldn't have said that word. I should have said Aw, Rats." (look around for Big D, the cat, who is very allergic to milk. Must clean up milk before Big D investigates!)

PT: "Why did the milk spill?"

Me: "Because your Daddy played a trick on me." (adjusts 20 lb baby to other hip, try to rip Kevlar-esque paper towels off roll)

PT: "Why did Daddy play a trick? Is it Fool Day?"

Me: "No, that's in April. Daddy just left the lid off the milk." (jerk paper towel, hoping it will rip, but entire roll unspools at speed of spilling milk)

PT: "Is it April?"

Me: "It's September." (with free hand, attempt to roll paper towels back onto spool. 20 lb baby kicks and fusses, just because.)

PT: "What's September?"

Me: "It's the month after August." (arm holding 20 lber beginning to ache, switch arms)

PT: (smears milk all over the floor with her feet) "Why did you spill the milk?"

Me: "I didn't spill the milk, Daddy left the lid off and I... It was an accident." (wad paper towels and shove into space above under-cabinet spool)

PT: "Why was there an accident?"

Me: "Honey, don't play in the milk. Dry it up with this cloth." (tosses dishtowel on floor)

PT: (continues to play in milk) "Does the baby like milk?"

Me: "Not this kind of milk. Sweetie, don't slide in it, you're going to...."

PT: (slips, falls) "Awww, %$@%&!!!"

Me: "That's not a nice word. Say Aw Rats!" (help PT up with free arm)

PT: "Aw RATS!" (laughs) "Look, D loves the milk!"

Big D: (licks up spilled milk, turns kitty green, starts heaving)

Me: "Awww, %$@%&!!!"

PT: "That's not a nice word. Say Aw Rats. D is PUKING!" (screeches and runs)